Why Jovial State of Mind?

This is gonna shock the socks right off some people who knew me long ago, back when I was President or Vice President of practically every club/social group at my small private school, but the truth is that I am quite insecure and struggle with social anxiety.

I have left many of you staring now at your bare toes, socks off!

In college, I found myself biting my nails (never did it before and now can’t kick it) on Sundays in the church auditorium.

What am I suppose to say?

What kind of conversation am I suppose to have here?

Do they really want to talk to me or am I time filler why they wait for someone else?

Plus as you read through the blog, you will discover that I excel at being awkward. 

This social anxiety remains to this day. Where I will sit in my car before social gatherings, giving myself motivational inner speeches before entering the premises. 

'GAME FACE ON - LET'S DO THIS!'

Then after 5 years of doing life as a ridiculously cute power couple, the hubs and I decided we were ready to enhance not just our world but also, really everybody’s world, with some pint-sized Durham’s. I am mean that's how its done right? You decide you are ready and then start popping out babies. That's how it seemed to work.

6 years later and no real good reason, this still has not happened.

A whole new chapter of insecurity entered my life with the intimidating title Infertility. Here is where when I found the blogging world.

As my fridge door became disguised with everyone else’s baby shower invitations and birth announcements, I would find myself seeking refuge and resource by reading blog after blog of women struggling with me in this voyage.

Then when God planted a seed in Hubs heart to go to Ukraine and adopt a child with special needs, blogs became my lifeline.

We did not know anyone who had taken this journey before; we were unfamiliar with adoption. In fact, I am pretty sure I still say the word dossier wrong, because while I typed it a whole lot online, I have never heard it said out loud! Our community at home WAS PRICELESS and overwhelmingly supportive, but our online adoptive community helped guide us in a way that only those who have journeyed before can.

So let’s wrap this never-ending story up shall we?

I decided to blog to help me overcome my insecurities and embrace a jovial state of mind.

To open up a little and expose some of the journey we have been through so I might be able to share some refuge and resource to others as this was once done for me. Insecurities SUCK- and I want other women to feel empowered and encouraged that they are BEAUTIFUL and have a God pursuing them- that thinks they ARE WORTH IT even when they are going through times that make them feel otherwise.  If sharing our story plants a seed in even one person's heart to consider adopting a waiting child with special needs, well then being vulnerable and blogging was worth it.

Here you can find out “How the D’s do things”.  We have two 4-year olds, who I refer to as my insta-twins, and life can get pretty crazy and messy.  Our way is not necessarily the right way, or even the best way, but maybe you can find a little humor or encouragement within these stories to help you be jovial and empower you to navigate your own story through the different chapters it is taking you.